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Raped Body, Raped Mind

by Internal Darkness

supported by
Mission Control
Mission Control thumbnail
Mission Control one of the darkest most guts wrenching album i know, up there with Projekt Terror by Stalaggh and any album by Gnaw Their Tongues
it showed me the really dark and depressing world of someone with trauma that haunts them
musically it is pretty different from what Internal Darkness did before and after
and lyrically there will possibly never be an album by them with heart breaking lyrics like this
this album is their best and will most likely be their best forever Favorite track: ...Raped Mind.
Svucozixean
Svucozixean thumbnail
Svucozixean Both the music and the vocals are very well written, an extremely enjoyable listen. Can't wait to see what you do in future! Favorite track: ...Raped Mind.
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1.
Her nails digging into my shoulders Her tongue sliding down my throat Bare flesh against bare flesh Two becoming one, unwillingly Limp, weak and frail; can't break free Can't cry, can't scream, silenced, wondering how it got this far I should have never fallen for her trap, so obvious, so obvious The shock rushes through, jaw clenched, muscles tense Shivering and scared, longing for an end other than...
2.
...The dysphoria of release, it soon arrives, blinding my senses, filling her with the disease of life The fluid holds the seeds of endless sorrow ...No, no, no! Please let this be a nightmare!!! Shame is all that remains The memory shall never leave: traumatic, traumatic, traumatic! Trust shatters, hope is lost, and suicide clouds the mind Hide thee from my sight, never to return! You raped me! You raped me! I'm ruined, inhuman, diseased, unclean! ...Rape! Rape! Rape!!! Let me die! Let me die!!!
3.
(...Let me die!) A body broken from the horror it's been through I stare at my reflection, horrified of what I've become A reflection now ruined, unrecognizable, disgusting You are etched into my mind, forever haunting me with what you've done Sleep, a long-lost remedy, unfamiliar to my senses How can I think, when all I can think of is you? Get out of my head! Get off me! Get off!!! So helpless, so betrayed How can I ever learn to trust again? You've destroyed me, never to be repaired The shattered fragments; my image disfigured, distorted... My innocence, my purity, is gone! You ruined me!!!
4.
(You ruined me...) Who am I? I am not myself... Staring into the mirror before me The broken shell of a past self stares back, recalling the time my life was irreversibly destroyed... Submitting to your perverted charm, losing myself in your eyes They unveiled my darkest secrets and shallow desires Now your seductive gaze lacerates my soul... Chills run down my spine as your fingers run down my body Your mouth wraps around Receptors are smothered by pain disguised as ecstasy Paralyzed by this sensation that none dare to speak of Subjected to horrors only seen behind closed doors Genophobic thoughts begin to take over Tears of dread and confusion begin to stream down my face and onto her pillow as I refuse to believe what is happening... I refuse to believe... ------------- Sedate me, pin me down Suck me dry, force me inside Fill me with childlike fear as you fill yourself... ...and leave me wondering why! Why did I let this happen? Why did I allow your lips to mistreat me? Why did I fall for your filthy lies? What made me think everything would be okay? Tightly closed eyes open again to reveal your true self: Lustful, deceitful, deriving enjoyment from stealing the purity of the innocents, gratifying the impulses of your twisted subconscious Not even eternal slumber can kill these torturous flashbacks The agony is forever burned into the darkest reaches of my mind and will continue to follow me after inevitable suicide I can never forget... I will never forget... ...Never!
5.
Forever haunted by failure, I, the mirror won't let them be, Contribution to their abuse, my only use. A once trusted faith, inverted, Defiled, beaten, molested, A deep fear to whisper in your ear, It will follow you in your sleep, You will feel it inside your dreams, Transformed underworld, tranquil without light, Blessed are the sins of the night (which father do you feel?), A dark red shadow of hate remains, (Any arrogance begins to fade, for trauma will always linger, another weakling has been made)

about

On September 2, 2018, I experienced the worst betrayal of my life. I was sexually abused by my former best friend whom I had known since middle school. She somehow talked me into letting her do things to me that I didn't want her to do. The whole thing felt forced; I couldn't tell her to stop in fear of upsetting her. Writing this album has done a huge part in helping me cope, but I'm still far from fully recovering mentally.

Hails to Senvivaj, Susan, Erin, Brendan, and the rest of my REAL friends for being by my side and helping me through this. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be alive to record this album.

This album is dedicated to the numerous men unfortunate enough to have endured any form of sexual trauma. My hope is for this album to serve as a voice for those too afraid to speak up about their own experiences. You don't have to suffer alone. Let my pain speak for you.

~Irritum

credits

released September 2, 2019

Tracks 1, 2, 4 written and composed by Irritum.
Track 3 written and composed by Senvivaj.
Lyrics date back to September 2018.

Recorded between April - August 2019.
Mixed, remixed, and mastered by Irritum.

Artwork by Irritum. Drawn the day of the incident.
Layout by Irritum.

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Internal Darkness New Jersey

Depressive Black Metal from New Jersey, USA. Formed in 2016 as Fading Existence by Irritum under the pseudonym Krait. Rebranded in September 2017.

For fans of Intig, Hypothermia, Xasthur, Silencer, and Psychonaut 4.

Internal Darkness is:
Irritum - Everything
... more

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